I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
