Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
