Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
pray to the hookup gods
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
