so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
