you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
I think i got beer on your cat.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize