I got her a Nickelback box set.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
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