So how did finding that girl you know on GGW go?
I was so pissed when it just previews her all covered up. It would have been easier to just have sex with her
Yeah but then you would have a case of genitals gone wild
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
