So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Randomize