My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
i think i just lost a toe
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
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