girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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