I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
