One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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