Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
