tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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