explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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