i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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