I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
When did we convert life to cartoon?
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
