The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Randomize
