He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
