I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
