I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
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