His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Randomize
