so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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