i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize