I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Randomize
