Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Pants 0. Shit 1.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
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