I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
We are all done wearing pants today
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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