I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
