Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Randomize