this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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