he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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