Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
