If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
