so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Randomize
