dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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