watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Randomize
