Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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