So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
cat food counts as protein by the way
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
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