so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
