He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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