Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
