How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
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