Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I'm both gender and math confused
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
