I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
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