at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
it was like having sex with a tree stump
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Randomize
