my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
