i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
