shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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