Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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