Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
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