Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
