i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
