Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Randomize
