and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
false alarm. still invincible.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
