I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
pop tarts are not kleenex
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
