Farmville is her only friend.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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