guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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