My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize