my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
