And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
