I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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