Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
