Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
