May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize