dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
