my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Randomize
