You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
