Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Randomize
