You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
