Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
