grandma shit on top of the toilet
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
