I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
