the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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