Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
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