someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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