me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
