he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
