I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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