i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
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