Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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