I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Randomize
