do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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