I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
