I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Randomize
