I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
