fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
