U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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