you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
