o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
