Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
