New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
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