She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
