Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Randomize
