4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Randomize
