The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Randomize