Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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