for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
