Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Need sex. Gaining weight.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Randomize
