she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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