Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
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