god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
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