i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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