can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
