It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Randomize
