After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
