i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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