Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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