Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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