were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
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